


Leaving

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Mentions of Taekwoon/Wonshik, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: He hoped, somewhere deep inside, that Ravi would throw a fit over it all.





	Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on February 1, 2015.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: I’ve not been in a very good place recently and it’s kind of scaring me. The pressures of job searching are doing a number on me; it’s been like riding an emotional roller coaster. It’s very hard to write anything but angst, though I’ve tried. I’ve been feeling guilty that I can’t post as frequently as I used to… This was one of the plots that ran through my mind in the last few days, though it has a decidedly less sad ending than I’d originally intended. I’ve been thinking and working on a lot of N centric angst lately, and honestly, this piece is the least sad of them. I want to finish the other pieces soon, and I hope I can.

N straightened the cake plate ever so slightly, tilting his head to make sure it was placed just perfectly. Once satisfied, he stepped back with a sigh and wiped his hands off on his apron. The table’s contents were perfect, completely romantic to an almost sickening extent. Two place settings with homemade food pre-portioned out on the plates, four unlit candles, three small wrapped gifts, a letter, and a gourmet mocha cake that acted as the table’s center piece. It wasn’t the fancy night out that N had originally planned months ago, but N was sure Ravi would love it regardless–or maybe he would throw a fit when he finally saw it. He hoped, somewhere deep inside himself, that it would be the later.

N sighed again, reaching behind himself to untie his apron. Ravi wouldn’t be back for another hour at the earliest, even on such a special occasion. He suspected the younger probably forgot because there was no talk or even the briefest of mentions of plans for today, or barely even any communication at all recently. N folded the apron and placed it in the drawer it belonged in before leaving the kitchen.

He gave the living room a glance around before ducking into the bedroom to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything important. That anxiety quelled, he took a deep breath and headed to the front door. He plucked his jacket from the coat rack and slipped it on before sitting down to put his shoes on. He took his scarf from another peg and wrapped it so his mouth, nose, and ears were covered. Wallet and keys in hand, N picked up the duffel bag he’d set by the entrance earlier and pulled the door open.

The air was outside was bitingly cold, causing N to pause and put on gloves. Once set, he stepped out and pulled the door closed, locking it behind him. He dropped the keys in the in the mailbox on his way out of the apartment complex then headed to the nearest train station, feet crunching in the snow.

It was childish, he knew. This whole dramatic plan would only bring more grief to his life, but he wasn’t quite sure yet if his life would be much longer or not. It was tempting to throw himself in the middle of traffic or to jump into the ice cold river as he crossed the bridge to the station. For some reason he didn’t act on those temptations–the urge must not have been strong enough. In some sense, he felt like doing that would mean all the hard things in his life won, and he was much too bitter in that moment to let that happen.

N had been with Ravi for three years. Everything had been great for the first two, but the last year had been rocky. At first he’d thought it was because of his demanding work schedule, but then Ravi began growing careless with his actions. It hadn’t taken much snooping around Ravi’s things to uncover the truth. It was 9:36 PM on the night of their anniversary, yet N was fairly certain he wouldn’t run into his boyfriend at the train station. Ravi was probably with Leo, as he’d most likely been the past three nights. He didn’t seem to care if N found out about the affair or not, so N doubted that he’d care that N wouldn’t be returning.

A cheating boyfriend was the last thing he needed, a rough breakup rivaled that. But the gifts had been bought long ago, and the cake had already been ordered when N decided to leave. It had been spur of the moment, rashly decided when he got home yesterday with the letter confirmation that his boss wanted to transfer him abroad for two years.  He knew that with their relationship the way it was now that Ravi wouldn’t agree to a long distance relationship.

He’d hoped that Ravi would get home early to surprise him that night, but he never came. The hope was vain, he knew. The photos N had dug up, the one time he’d caught Ravi and Leo together–N knew that Ravi was happier with the other man. He rarely saw the kind of smiles Ravi gave Leo anymore. That hadn’t stopped him from setting the romantic table for two, from pouring his love into the food he struggled to cook for the dinner. Deep down, N was alright with Ravi cheating, as long as he kept coming back, but he knew Ravi wouldn’t want to continue this pathetic relationship.

N took a deep breath as he descended the station steps. He tapped his pass at the ticket gate and descended the second flight of stairs. He came to a still at the bottom, at a loss of where to go. Heaving a sigh, he approached the edge of the platform for the south bound track, toes even with the yellow bumpy safety tiles.

Dropping his gaze down to the rails, he waited patiently for the next train to come. With each passing second, the urge to just take another step forward grew stronger. He closed his eyes when the chimes announcing the incoming train came over the station speakers, pushing down the urge to jump onto the tracks with all his might. The woosh of air from the train arriving caused his bangs to tickle his nose. When the doors opened, N stepped back. He stumbled to the stairs and climbed them hastily, fishing his phone from his pocket.

At the top of the stairs, he checked for a signal and immediately dialed.

“Jackson,” he said as soon as the other picked up, the tremble in his voice shocking himself. “I just broke up with my lover. Can I stay at your place for a while? I don’t trust myself to be alone.”


End file.
